Just don't hate me
by ImpishTopHat
Summary: He just wanted a one person to love him. Or at least not hate him.
1. Lonely

This one is a little blargh story that just kind of popped out of my brain. It will be a one-shot or a chaptered story depending on the comments I get, so vote now.

Disclaimer: I own this….PLOT. Not the characters.

Why was he the way he was? Why was he cruel, sadistic, etc, etc? Because he was lonely. That was the only way he could explain it. He was so desperately lonely. Sure he had a nice family and great grades, but that didn't help that he was in fact different. He was different because he didn't know how.

How to talk to people correctly?

He tried; he tried so many times. He would find his target, and study it. Study what he or she usually talks about with other people, study the way they start conversation, study everything there was to study. Then the scripts would come in the game. He always made scripts. Even when he just had to go to the store or buy tickets for a movie or something. He was uncomfortable talking to people, so he tried to copy the way they talked to others to do it right.

But it was never right for him.

He would always mess up; say something that he wasn't supposed to say. He knew too much, that was his problem. He knew too much about a person that he never talked to before and they would always label him in the matter of minutes.

Stalker.

Crazy.

Dangerous.

Nobody even tried to look at the person he really was. It was partly his fault too. He was so afraid that the humans he loved and studied so hard would hurt him, that he locked himself away. Became something he was not. He tried to fix all his flaws for them. He craved for attention. Because it hurt to be alone.

It hurt.

Drip, drop.

Fell the blood of his heart.

Drip, drop indeed.

He was always lonely, simply because he was different. Simply because he could not talk to people without making a script first. And that took time. In that time, he was left alone. Left alone to bleed. His heart ached when he saw all the love he was not a part of. They thought him boring, and left him. Therefore, he decided to make himself interesting. He made himself interested in everything they were interested into and more. He tried to make himself stand out. So they would notice him. Notice him and love him. Because he longed for love. He needed it. Love was his drug.

And they.

They despised him.

_"Get away from us you freak, go back to the swap you crawled out of."_

They called him crazy, a monster, a freak, a stalker.

And then.

Then he got mad.

And decided to give them exactly what they wanted.

If they wanted a crazy stalker, Izaya shall be a crazy stalker.

For them.

For his darling humans.

He let the blackness of insanity close in on him and then he made a pact with it. His soul for their love. He became insane. He still loved them, but in a different way. He loved to corner them, to torture them, to show them what kind of pain he was in. He would never let them know it was in fact he who caused their hardships. But he still loved to watch it, love to see all of them suffer and experience his pain.

_They cannot love you._ The insanity whispered.

He didn't understand why. He gave them everything they wanted. He made himself a monster for them; he gave up his soul to insanity and presented his heart to them. He loved them. He loved them so much it hurt. He loved them so much he destroyed himself for them.

And they.

They hated him even more.

_What did I do?_ He wanted to ask.

He never did.

There was no one in this world to love him, no one to care the way he cared.

Notice me.

Please notice me.

You don't have to love me.

Just don't hate me.


	2. All your fault

So we are continuing on, and I decided that I shall try myself at Shizaya, even though I never paired anyone before. Well you learn new things every day.

**Disclaimer:** I own my socks, but not the Durarara cast.

_„You must be pretty lonely, huh."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Well it seems like your always on your own, I saw you try to talk to other people but they just got away…I saw you hurt them."_

_"So what!? They wanted a monster, they got a monster!."_

_„Oh...I see."_

Shinra was...he was different. He did not ignore him. He actually talked to him. Izaya could not remember when the last time somebody normally talked to him was. Over the years he and his family drew apart, and he moved away to live on his own. He was all alone. There was nobody to love him now.

_„Izaya?"_

_„Yes?"_

_„Why don't you just leave the rest alone? You have me as your friend you know, you can leave the rest of them alone now."_

_„I can't."_

_„Why not?"_

_„I need more."_

_„Alright."_

Shinra was the only one who understood. His love for Celty, the mysterious dullahan he was introduced to, was as strange and as strong as Izaya's love for humans. However, Izaya did not love humans this much from the day he was born. No. Izaya loved them because there was no one in particular to love him. He coped with his pain by wrapping it in love. Love so great that nothing could pass it. Love bigger then anything. Love for humanity. Simply put, Izaya loved to love. And he was hurt because that love was not returned. He expended his horizons. Instead of focusing on one person, he loved all of them. Wishing, hoping, that one day, maybe, one, just one of those people, is going to return that love back. So far, Shinra was the only one. But Shinra wasn't enough. Shinra wasn't what he needed. He needed something more. He did not know what, but there was something more and he needed it. He needed it bad.

_"I would like you too meet somebody, okay."_

_"Yeah, sure."_

_"His name is Shizuo Heiwajima."_

_"Oh really."_

_"He is abnormally strong, I studied him a bit and threw a few theories around, but he never allowed me to examine him. Oh, what a waste."_

_"What do you mean, abnormally strong?"_

_"Oh you'll see." His friend giggled…it was a bit creepy._

_"Yeah, whatever."_

He was surprised. He, Izaya Orihara, was completely bewildered by the performance of "Shizuo Heiwajima". That was when he knew it. He absolutely knew it. That was the one he was looking for. That was he love he sought. Right there, displaying his brutal strength, for Izaya, just for Izaya. He clapped to him when he was finished, for he had enjoyed the show. And then…then his newfound love said the most terrible thing.

_"You piss me off."_

And that was it.

There was no going back.

His love hated him.

Again.

For no reason.

You want me to be monster.

Alright, I'll be a monster for you.

_Shizu-chan_

He did everything it was humanly possible to be his monster. Shizuo hated him, so Izaya accepted that hate and made it stronger. He had to feel. He had to feel his dear Shizu-chan. And if it couldn't be through love, then he will just satisfy himself with his hate. He embraced Shizuo's hate. He loved it. He drowned himself in it.

But still…

It killed him.

The fact that he could not be loved the way he needed, killed him.

This is all your fault Shizu-chan.

All your fault.


	3. Whatever you wish for

**Disclaimer:** What do you think?

This was the right decision.

This was the only decision.

There is no other way to do it.

So he...

Decided to just end it all.

He stood at the edge of Shizuo's building, as wind blew by him taking his tears away.

It was a rather long fall.

But he wasn't afraid.

He was already completely destroyed.

His soul shattered too much to care about his own well being.

Now this, he thought, is going to be fun.

He is going to die.

Fun.

Yes, this will be fun.

If only he could get the courage to do it.

To jump.

Why can't he?

What is stopping him?

It hurt. He couldn't do it and that hurt. His soul has shattered into tiny pieces so long ago, and now… Now they were cutting him. Cutting him everywhere. Cutting into his heart, his spirit. His soul is what loves Shizuo Heiwajima. And since he does not return that love, his soul doesn't know what to do anymore. So, it decided to die. And it's taking Izaya along for the ride.

Soul.

Soul is such a frail thing. So easily destroyed. Soul is like a cherry blossom. Cherry blossom on the giant tree of life. And one wind that blows too strong…can end it forever. Cherry blossom will fall. On the street, where people shall step on it as they walk by. They will crush your soul, not even paying attention to it. They will not notice. For people never notice. They are cruel. But so is he.

He played with so many lives during his own.

Crushed so many dreams.

Killed so many hopes.

Well, then…

It looks like now is the time…

For him to pay all that back.

Nobody will miss him.

He is sure in that.

Nobody really cared in the first place.

Well maybe Shinra will be sad for a while, but his supernatural roommate will soon cheer him up. Why can't he have someone like that? Why did Shizuo have to hate him? Izaya was ready to give his very soul away for him. He was ready to do anything, absolutely anything. No questions ask, whatever Shizuo asked for.

_"I wish you would go and die, flea!"_

Whatever you wish for Shizuo.

His eyelids closed as his body surrendered itself to cruel forces of gravity.

Whatever you wish for.


	4. The irony

**Disclaimer:** Still nil.

„What in the name of hell!"

He felt strong arm grab his and pull him back to the ground. His surprised eyes met Shizuo's angry ones. Why was Shizuo here? To watch him die maybe. If that was so then why did he stop him, why didn't he just let Izaya fall to his death? He won after all. Shizuo won it all. Izaya's soul and heart, his life too. What was going on now?

"What are you doing you sneaky flea, huh? What are you doing jumping from my roof? Trying to get me accused for murdering you or something?"

Shizuo was shaking him so much it hurt, his strong arms crushing Izaya's thin shoulders under them. It hurt. It hurt so much. But the pain from within hurt more. It hurt so much more. The pain wanted to claim him now; it wanted him to die now. He couldn't fight it no longer; there was no point in doing so anywise. Nobody loved him; he had nobody to stay alive for. Shizuo hated him. He hated him so much that he wished Izaya dead. Now he'll get his wish come true. He forced out a smile to Shizuo. That was the first time it hurt so much just to smile. That was probably his fakest smile ever. And Shizuo saw right through it. He stopped shaking the raven head, watching that weird smile that appeared on his face. Izaya was a strange and creepy person, but this was something else even for him.

"I'm just fulfilling your wish, Shizu-chan. You should be happy now; you won't have to deal with me any more."

"My…my wish…what are you blabbing about flea? Is this one more of your tricks?!"

"Quite the contrary Shizu-chan. I'm doing exactly what you wanted me to do. I'm going to die."

"You…what?"

"Aww come on Shizu-chan. I do love you, but why do you have to be so slow, can't you just see how much it hurts. Can't you just let me die?"

Wait what! Did that flea just said he loves him. That he is going to die because Shizuo told him too. Shizuo blinked confused a few times. He hated the flea and that same flea hated him, right? That's how it has always been, right? So why the sad look on Izaya's face now. Idiot probably didn't know what he was saying anywise, he looked pretty out of it. Izaya probably didn't even notice that he told Shizuo that he loved him.

"Please Shizuo, it hurts. It really does. Why won't you believe me? If you want you can kill me yourself too. Doesn't matter to me. Just please make it quick, it hurts so much."

Shizuo flinched when Izaya dropt that stupid nickname he has been called with all these years. What was wrong with him? He didn't like Izaya in the first place, but something here was wrong. This wasn't Izaya, not the one he knew. Not the all-knowing, annoying, bloodsucking little bastard that followed him around, attracting trouble like light attracted moths. This Izaya was broken. There was no that mischief's glimmer in the crimson eyes. There was just pain. Pain so deeply rooted in those eyes that Shizuo couldn't help but not feel sorry for the younger one.

"What are you waiting for, Shizu-chan? Do you really like to see me suffer that much? That's not you, Shizu-chan, I think that would be me. I assure you that I had suffered enough for all these years, so please just let me die now."

_Just let me die._ Izaya was practically begging him to kill him. He was almost asking his permission. _Can I die now, Shizu-chan, can I please, it hurts so much._

"Idiot."

"Hmm?" Izaya's eyes looked at him in confusion.

"You are an idiot, flea. Thinking I'll just let you die, or even kill you for that matter. I would be accused for murder, or help in suicide, or whatever. You are really stupid. And I'm really stupid too. Now I'm stuck here with you, I can't leave, because I know you would just jump of the building then, and I don't feel like having your dirty blood on my hands. I'm really stuck with you now, am I not?"

He laughed into the night, sitting himself down on the roof, one hand holding Izaya down and in place and the other on his head. Of all the people in this world, whose lives could depend on his decision, he ends up stuck with the flea. It was so funny. Izaya sat in his place, looking rather confused, and that made Shizuo laugh even more. The confused face of usually all-knowing Izaya Orihara was really priceless. It was so funny, this whole situation was absurd. He half expected for Izaya to bounce up and out of his reach, laughing at him, telling him how stupid he was to fall for his tricks yet again. But that didn't happen. And Shizuo knew it won't. He knew that because of that immensely confused look in Izaya's eyes. He knew that because when he stood up and threw Izaya over his shoulder, there were no complaints coming from the smaller one. No that annoying whining or never-ending line of witty words that would make him feel embarrassed or angry. There was just a small wince of surprise and that was all. The flea stayed silent. The damn flea stayed silent! He won. He won their stupid game of cat and mouse and got what seemed like a very depressed Izaya as his reward. Oh, the irony.

He laughed all the way to his apartment, nobody came out to complain, they knew better than to complain to Shizuo. He laughed when he opened doors of his apartment, when he threw the confused flea on the floor and when he lit up a cigarette to calm himself down. Once when he was calm enough, he looked down at that annoying little bastard that he now had at his mercy.

"So flea, what shall I do with you, now?"

**Note:** Dun dun dun duuuuuuun! What shall Shizuo do? Post up your suggestions and if I like them I'll do them. I'm a little short on inspiration, so throw me a bone here.


	5. You don't know

**Disclaimer**: NOOOOOOOO

This whole situation was rather humorous to Shizuo. Here he was, in his apartment, with Izaya Orihara at his arm reach. He could kill him right now; take revenge for all those years of mockery that, that stupid flea dropt on him. He knew Izaya wouldn't run. It was seeable in those sad eyes which were just fed up with life. First time in his life, Izaya Orihara did indeed have a death wish. And his death wish was to just end it quickly. Shizuo could do that. One right move of a hand and Izaya's neck would snap like the one of the young chicken. One quiet snap…and it would all be over, all depts repaid. Shizuo could go on through his life without having to worry about that know-it-all flea jumping out from somewhere and nibbling at his patience.

With those thoughts in his head, Shizuo found himself with one arm wrapped tightly around Izaya's neck. The younger man was just sitting there, his eyes closed in acceptance of his fate, awaiting the death that is sure to come.

Then Shizuo felt it. He felt it all. He noticed for the first time how thin and breakable Izaya really is. It was a miracle all those thrown wending machines didn't do any permanent damage. He felt his heart. He felt Izaya's faint but fast heart beat under the skin of his neck. Izaya was maybe ready to give up, but his heart wasn't. It kept beating at its top speed. Running and racing against time. The heart wouldn't stop, wouldn't slow down, it kept beating in its fear, like that's going to help it. It was a heart of a scared man. No matter how much Izaya tried, he still couldn't completely face the death, leave the fear behind. It was natural reaction to death. Everyone was afraid of death. Every human being…

And that's what Izaya was. After all is said and done. After all the big and mocking talk, after all thrown switch blades and all the sly smirks… Under all of that, Izaya was still just human. Maybe he fancied himself more then that, maybe he thought himself God, but Izaya was just human, a breakable, lonely, sad human. A human that now sat at his feet, waiting for his death.

And that's why Shizuo freed the younger man out of his grip. Because he was just human. Just that and nothing more. The knowledge that Izaya was, in fact, just a human, was freeing. The great Izaya Orihara was nothing more then a human. Shizuo never realized how scared he actually was, of Izaya being something else. Something he couldn't defeat. But no, Izaya was just human, just human.

He laughed again, sitting down in front of confused informant.

"Shizu…chan?"

"Do you want to hear something funny flea? Something really funny? You're just a human! A breakable, ordinary little human who just thinks himself big! Man this is a blast!"

Shizuo laughed at Izaya's slightly hurt face. It was so ridiculous. Izaya Orihara was hurt by his words. Then all the hurt was enveloped in misery and Izaya dropt his gaze, sighing.

"I would never guess you would be the one to torture people, Shizu-chan. But I guess I did do a lot of wrong to you. I'll just need to get through whatever you have in plan for me and wait until you finally kill me."

"You are an idiot, flea."

"Wha…?"

"I never said I'll kill you. Well not today. And I'm not. I'm not having you jump of my building or anything like it. Believe it or not some people have morals."

"And you believe me, Shizu-chan, when I say that you would be doing me a great favor."

"Well that is a favor you are not going to get from me. You are going home and I'm calling Celty over until you are over all of…this"

He said waving his hand around Izaya's moping face.

"That…is going to be a little hard Shizu-chan."

"Why?"

"I sold my apartment. I was thinking of setting fire to it, but since I live on the top floor that seemed rather unpractical. So I'm homeless now."

"WHY IN HELL WOULD YOU SELL YOU APARTMENT, YOU IDIOT?!"

"BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW!"

Shizuo was surprised by that sudden outburst of emotions, but as soon as it came, it disappeared and Izaya looked gloomy yet again.

"I thought I was going to be just another red splotch on the pavement. And then you came and ruined everything. Why did you have to do that Shizu-chan? Why couldn't you just let me die? You hate me, right?"

Izaya looked up with teary eyes, misery shaking his body.

"You hate me Shizu-chan! You hate me just like everybody else! Nobody loves me so why should I stay alive, tell me! Why should I stay alive if my life is full of misery, rejection and loneliness?!"

Shizuo was at the lose of words as he watched the younger man gasp for air after his outburst. Izaya's eyes still had fight in them. There was no snarky smirks or anything else that would indicate that the old Izaya was back, but those eyes told him that he is not giving up so easily. Or so Shizuo thought. For, a second after that, tears started streaming down Izaya's face. Shizuo was shocked; he never actually thought that the informant was capable of something as human as crying.

"They left me all alone, Shizuo. You can't imagine how that feels. You can't imagine how it feels to be completely abandoned by everyone. You just…"

_Slap_

Izaya's eyes went wide when Shizuo's palm connected with his face. He touched the aching skin in disbelief, and his surprised eyes traveled back to Shizuo.

"Shut up, you damn flea! You think I don't know how it feels. Do you, do you really?! I the person people call_ the monster of Ikebukuro_; I don't know how it feels to be cast aside!"

He slapped Izaya one more time, making his head fly around. Then he stopped. He stopped because he needed to think things through. Find a plan; decide what is he going to do with emotionally unstable informant. He sighed and got up to dig through his shelves, digging out a duck tape, and kneeling back in front of Izaya. Izaya watched him carefully as he unwrapped some and tore it off with his teeth.

"Shizu…chan? Wha...?"

"Put your arms in front." Shizuo quietly ordered.

"What? What are you going to do?" Izaya's voice grew a bit higher in panic.

"When I tell you to do something, do it." Shizuo growled, yanking informants arms up in front and bounding his arms together with tape; "I'm heading out for a while, and I don't want you killing yourself."

He expected a mocking _Awww Shizu-chan cares for me after all_, to come his way, but the brunette just bowed his head in understanding. Then a sick smile came over Izaya's lips and he chanted;

"What Shizu-chan wants, Shizu-chan gets."

Shizuo cringed at the teasing tone, begging himself not to lose his patience just yet. Fortunately enough, Izaya dropt the act and went back to being quiet.

When done, Shizuo stood up, looking at his work. Sure enough, Izaya won't be able to move or take anything dangerous for the time being. He nodded his head in satisfaction.

"Okay, I'll leave now, but I'll be back soon. Don't get in trouble and don't touch my stuff. Last thing I need is for my apartment to be contaminated by you."

Izaya opened his mouth to say something, but Shizuo never gave him the chance, leaving the apartment with tied up informant in a flash.

_Oh man, what have I gotten myself into?_

**Author's notes: **I feel your pain Shizuo, this Fic is getting like absolutely nowhere. And I'm way too inexperienced (and young) to try to throw anything sexual in it. Sigh.


	6. Tears

**I own Pluto! I'm the queen of Pluto! Bow down to the Scorpio queen! Muhahahahaha (Okay now will see how many of you get how Scorpio and Pluto connect…yes I am bored to crazy, thank you for noticing~) I also learned how to do this: ~, yay ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ wait what was I doing again, oh right the story, right. As usual I own zilch of the characters**

When Shizuo returned home, Izaya was curled up on the floor sleeping peacefully. Shizuo waved his head in disbelief. A few hours ago, the flea was on the edge of the building, seriously attempting to kill himself, and now he was curled up down there sleeping like a kitten.

The main problem now was what is he going to do with the flea?

He walked around the town for hours and went through more then the half oh his cigarette box, but answer still wasn't showing itself too him. Easiest thing would be to snap his little neck in half…but…somehow it was just wrong. The flea didn't run anymore, didn't fight anymore. Hurting him now would be like hitting the man who is already down. It just wasn't right and gave no satisfaction. This wasn't the flea he knew and despised. This was a broken human being.

He never thought that he would think about Izaya as human being. Izaya was a sociopathic, sadistic monster that plagued Ikebukuro and everything else it touched. Izaya didn't deserve mercy, didn't deserve kindness, sympathy or understanding…

He didn't, right?

…

Right?

But wasn't every man's right to be shown some compassion, some understanding. He knew that he was often sad and even depressed as a child when nobody tried to understand him and his feelings. When everybody ran from him, and nobody ever stayed to ask is he okay, does he need help, company?

He always had Kasuka though, and Shinra was there too. Even though Shinra was a bit strange, he was still a friend. With Shinra came Celty, he met Tom and Kyohei and his friends too. Simon and Dennis were always there when he needed someone to stop him from exploding. All in all, he wasn't alone.

Was Izaya?

He wouldn't be surprised if Izaya was completely alone. He seemed to love trying out new ways to chase people away from himself. He loved torturing people, chasing them into traps, laughing manically while they drowned like rats in their own despair.

But was that the real Izaya?

That was the only Izaya he knew, but Izaya he knew would never go and try to jump of the building. This one did. And that worried Shizuo. Who was this person sleeping on his floor? And why was he here? Here of all places. Why did he choose this place to die? Shizuo knew that Izaya had apartment on the highest floor, wouldn't that one work just as well for suicide. Actually it would work better since he wouldn't be there to save the damn flea.

Izaya would be just another red splotch on the pavement.

SPLAT!

And the game is all over.

Shizuo sighed and fell on the couch, lighting himself another cigarette. His head hurt from trying to figure out that maze of a brain that Izaya had. Fortunately enough he heard Shinra blab about brain and stuff like that, enough times for him to be able throw around some assumptions. Was Izaya, by coming all the way from Shinjuku, trying to subconsciously get himself saved?

Like, hey I'm gona throw my self of somebody's building and hope somebody rescues me.

Idiot.

If that is so, then why him? Why him of all people? He hated Izaya the most so why would Izaya try to get help from him? If that was the case.

_„Believe it or not some people have morals."_

Maybe the flea counted on that, on the fact that no matter how big of a monster Shizuo is, he still had morals.

But still, of all the people it this world, why him?

"You really are an idiot flea, you know that?" he said, not expecting an answer from the sleeping brunette.

But…

"That's why you love me Shizu-chan."

…the answer still came.

In a second rage came over him, and in a second and a half he had Izaya pinned down against the wall, slamming his back with as much force as he could…and that was a lot.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU ANNOYING LITTLE BASTARD!"

Izaya's only response was a rather sick sounding thudding against the wall as his eyes opened widely from his dreams to his nightmare.

"The hell you meant with that, flea!? The hell you meant with that?!"

"Shi-shi…" Izaya tried to gasp out but Shizuo's monstrous hands grasped him around his neck, ready to break it in half.

"DIE YOU LITTLE S-…"

Shizuo stopped mid sentence and mid strangle as he saw it again.

Tears.

Tears slid down Izaya's face making there way across that mask of fear and pain.

Izaya was crying, Izaya was afraid, Izaya was helpless.

Izaya was human.

He let the informant out of his grasp and he landed down with a thud and a muffed whine. His big eyes looked up at Shizuo, like a child looking up at his abusive father.

Shizuo never understood that.

The way some of those children still loved their parents, the way they looked at them.

Izaya was looking at him like that right now. There was hurt in those eyes. Hurt and pain and sadness. But there was love too. Love Shizuo couldn't understand, and didn't know where it came from.

Love that said; _"No matter what you do to me I will still be here, I'll still love you."_

And that other thing, what was that in his eyes? Understanding? Acceptance?

What was that in Izaya's eyes that said;_ "Go on, break me, I know I deserve this. I know I'm guilty."_

Remorse?

Was Izaya…sorry?

"Idiot." Shizuo spat.

Izaya looked down as if the words slapped him. Was this really Izaya? Izaya that could bounce away after being hit by a vending machine, that Izaya?

"The hell did you say to me, you dirt bag?"

Izaya looked up surprised at him; "I didn't say anything Shizu-ch…"

"Call me by my real name, or I'm going to rip your throat out right now!"

Izaya gulped, obviously not liking having the furious debt collector this close to him.

"I didn't say anything, Shizuo, I was sleeping." He said obediently.

"You said something!"

"People talk while they sleep, Shizu-ch…Shizuo."

The blond growled but dismissed it, deciding that it's no use to fight someone about something they obviously don't know about.

"Shizuo?"

"What!" he snapped and was rewarded by a wince from Izaya.

"Why…why didn't you kill me?"

"I told you, I'm not going to kill you." Shizuo growled, trying o keep his temper down, so he really doesn't kill the raven.

"But why?" Izaya wasn't the one to give up.

"Because, okay, is that a good answer for you!" he yelled out and stormed of to the bathroom, leaving a very confused informant behind.

**Author's notes: Ahhh everybody is so OOC that it just hurts. Well bare with me and review, review, review~**


	7. I love you

**Disclaimer: If only~**

Next morning Shizuo exited his bedroom in a very good mood. It was Saturday; Shizuo loved Saturdays, for he didn't have to work on Saturdays. He had all the time in the world to just kick back and relax, leaving his usual annoyance at the town in the back of his head, set and ready once the Monday comes back around. He was in a real good mood today; he didn't even remember what got him upset last night.

THUD!

Oh right, that thing. He sighed lying on the floor or more accurately lying o the floor with his legs over Izaya's squirming body. Well this was certainly the first time he ever tripped over a person.

"Ne, morning Shizu-chan~ A bit dizzy on your feet I see."

And it looked like the flea was in a good mood too. That was good, maybe now he will be able to get him to Shinra's or something. Hey, that's a damn good idea! Why didn't he think of that before? Oh right because that flea was eating away his patience. Well not today flea, not today.

"Ne, Shizu-chan you mind getting up now? You're kind of crushing me. Or have you fallen and can't get up ~" Izaya sung trying to imitate who knows what. Yup, he was definitely feeling better.

Shizou, deciding that he already spent enough time on the floor thinking things over, lifted himself up…half…and positioned himself so now he was sitting on Izaya with his legs bent on smaller ones thin frame.

"Aww, come on Shizu-chan. You really are heavy, just so you know." Izaya whined.

"That's not my name flea, and I don't see no _Shizu-chan_ sitting on you right now." He said firmly as if talking to a child.

"Oh come on, really? Fine. Shizuo get off of me already." Izaya huffed out.

"Now is that a way to _politely_ ask someone to do you a favor?" Shizuo had to admit that he was enjoying this a bit. Flea deserved a lesson.

"Pfft, Shizuo will you be so kind as to please get off of me." Izaya said quietly but obediently.

"See, was that so hard?" Shizuo grinned, releasing informant from under him.

Izaya just sighed and for a split second he looked as sad as he was yesterday. And then the mask was back on and the game continued, oblivious to his feelings just like it always was.

"Ne, Shizu-chan I'm hungry, what's for breakfast?" Izaya looked up curiously, trying to sit up with tied up legs and hands.

"I'm having eggs, and you are having whatever Shinra is making when I get you to his place."

"Nooo, I don't want to go to Shinra's, I want to stay here." Izaya whined.

"I wasn't aware I was giving you any choice." Shizuo growled, trying to control his temper.

"But Shizu-chan…"

"That is not my name!"

"…Shizuo, why can't I stay here?"

"Because I don't want you here."

"Why?"

"Because I hate you."

"Why don't you kill me than!" Izaya yelled even though the words hurt him; "Why don't you finally kill me and get this over with, Shizuo!? If you leave me with Shinra I'll run away and kill myself and it will still be your fault, so just kill me! Kill me now!"

Shizuo dropped the pan on the floor and lunged himself towards the screaming informant. His fist connected with Izaya's face and fear once again bloomed in those eyes. Those unpredictable eyes. Shizuo barely stopped his fist from hitting the informant one more time. He punched the wall next to Izaya's head instead, the force of the blow leaving a large gap. He sighed trying to calm himself once again. He took out a cigarette, first of many he predicted, and observed the hole in the wall.

"You are paying for that." He said simply.

"I already transferred all my money to your bank account." Izaya said and looked up at Shizuo's shocked expression; "You are a rich man Shizu-chan."

Shizuo stared at his enemy with disbelief plastered all over his face. His cigarette hung limply from the corner of his lips, unlighted and forgotten. The flea did…what exactly? He transfferd all his money to Shizuo. Why? They hated each other right?

"The hell did you do that for flea?"

"I though I would be dead by now, and as far as I know, dead people have no use in money." Izaya quietly replayed.

"But why me? Why didn't you leave it to your family…your sisters?"

Izaya scowled; "I and my family don't really get along, and you know that. I would never leave my money or anything mine to somebody I don't care for."

"But I…"

Shizuo was interrupted by a pair of soft lips pressing against him. The cigarette fell on the floor forgotten, as the small informant took his first kiss away and claimed him his. Izaya did not fool around or try anything dirty, he didn't even try to claim the entrance to Shizuo's mouth. He kissed him on the lips softly and sweetly, a kiss full of shy, never spoken love. Shizuo was too shocked to pull back, too shocked to think, to act, too shocked to do anything but to sit there and accept a kiss from his mortal enemy.

Izaya finally pulled away, his cheeks flushed pink, but his determination strong.

"I love you Shizuo, I loved you ever since the day I meet you. I don't care if you hate me, but don't chase me away, if you do I'll die. If I have to live, I want to live here with you. I'll do whatever you want from me, just please don't case me away. Not again, I won't be able to take it again. Please let me be yours."

Izaya panted, recovering from his outburst, fearing the emotions that he held hidden for so long. Shizuo said nothing, still staring at him in complete shock. Izaya bit his lip, and determent to prove his love is true, leaned in for another kiss. This time more gently, not to further shock the blond he brushed against his lips, faintly but sweetly, leaving Shizuo's lips to beg for more. He leaned against Shizuo's chest, listening to fast thumping of his heart.

"I love you Heiwajima Shizuo."

**Author's notes: I did not intend for that to happen…I truly did not believe me; I started this chapter with completely different idea in mind. I guess that Izaya just got bored with just sitting around and moping all the time and decided to take control. Well good for him…bad for Shizuo…poor baby doesn't know what hit him. I'm sorry if the kissing scene wasn't good. I never wrote a kissing scene before and I never kissed before myself so I have no idea what am I doing expect from trying to do what I read in other fan fictions. Hehe. Please review, more reviews means more chances of Shizuo accepting Izaya~ not that I'm black mailing or anything "whistles innocently".**


	8. Lonely thoughts

**Disclaimer: One can only wish…muhhahahahhahahahahha. Tehehe~**

Izaya remained sitting there, practically in Shizuo's lap for a minute more. Then he got pushed away. Shizuo got up not looking at him, holding his hand to his forehead, trying to understand the situation. Izaya dropt his gaze, realizing in what kind of situation did he put himself into. He had no idea what Shizuo may or may not do now that he knew. Izaya left himself completely vulnerable to the brute. But he shouldn't care, right? He was ready to part with this world anywise, right?

Right?

Shizuo collapsed on the couch and started laughing and Izaya looked up startled. Shizuo made no explanation, just laughed like a manic. He then got up and pointed an accusing finger in Izaya's face, making the smaller man jump.

"You really expect me to believe this, huh flea. You think I'm that stupid don't you. This is one of your games isn't it? It always was, you were never even trying to kill yourself in the first place, you were just putting on a show. I'm sick of you and your stupid games flea!" Shizuo growled grabbing Izaya by his shirt.

"It's not a game Shizuo, I swear it's not. Do you really…"

"Do you really think I would believe that you love me?" Shizuo yelled shaking the raven; "You ruined my life you damn louse. You think that after all you've done I would believe in something as stupid as that! You sent gangs after me, slashed me rapidity and got be arrested! I destroyed the whole damn city because of you and you think that I will just like that believe that you love me!" Shizuo growled slapping Izaya's head to the side.

"I…"

"I don't care what you have to say you flea. I have no idea what kind of sick joke is this but I'm over with it." He ripped the tape off of Izaya's arms and legs; "I really should kill you, but as I said before, I don't want your disgusting blood on my hands. You aren't even worth a bother."

Shizuo grabbed a stunned informant by the back of his jacket, carrying him out like a cat. Izaya did look like a cat right then and there. A lonely, miserable, soaked and confused cat. He winced when Shizuo literally threw him out the door, cursing at him all over.

"Go home, flea and if you know what's good for you stay there. I don't ever want to see your ugly face again!"

The door was shut close with a bang and Izaya found himself on verge of tears. He chuckled though; he chuckled because he actually thought that Shizuo was going to forgive him for being a monster and that Shizuo was going to kiss and love him back and that everything is going to end like in some children's fairy tale.

Who would say that he, Izaya Orihara, was a sucker for happy endings?

The people started coming out of their apartments, attracted by ruckuses like dogs to fresh meat. People just loved this sort of things; they made a lovely gossip starter. Izaya gritted his teeth, realizing how he must look, being kicked out of the apartment by his mortal enemy who was also his hidden love. People started to whisper and Izaya hated when people whispered. It was so hauntingly familiar, he thought, as chuckles and laughs of the demons he was fascinated with pierced his shield.

What right did they have?

What right did they have to do this too him? To deprive him of love like they did? Was he not a human too? Was he unworthy of compassion? They did this too him, they turned him into this, it was their fault.

He never wanted to be a monster.

He just wanted to be loved.

Was it so hard for someone to come and love him for what he was?

He felt depression eating away his heart again as he got up and slid away from the scene. However, this time he felt like suicide won't solve anything. He owed to Shizuo to stay alive and explain some things when the blond was calmer.

He hated himself right now, for he knew that Shizuo was right. How could he claim that he loved him after everything that he had done? He really didn't deserve Shizuo, either. Shizuo was generally good person, except if you made him mad. Izaya was the monster, not Shizuo. Izaya ruined Shizuo's life, while trying to get close to him.

Izaya was the monster.

Izaya loved by destroying.

Izaya was the monster.

"I'm the monster." He made himself realize that as tears threatened to escape. He blinked them away, refusing to cry in front of everybody as he walked and whispered his redemption mantra; "I'm the monster, I'm the monster, I'm the monster…"

He realized that he had no where to go. He did not lie to Shizuo when he said that he sold his apartment or that he transferred his money. He really did thought that he would be dead by now, but now he didn't even had enough will to die.

He was truly pathetic.

If he was one of his humans he would despise himself.

He already despised himself, though.

He thought about where he could go, for he needed to rest and clear up his head. His parents house was out of the question, he wasn't welcome there anymore…he didn't blame them for that. He supposed there was always Shinra but he wasn't in the mood for thousand and one questions the underground doctor would ask or disgusted glances that Celty would give him.

Right now he needed comfort and a safe place where he would feel secured, no matter how hard something like that came to him. There was only one other place in his mind, only one other person he knew as a friend besides from Shinra.

Simon did always say that he can come to him if he decides to give up on the path he was walking on right now.

His phone rang and he wasn't surprised when he saw Shiki's number on it. His gaze was indifferent as he dropt the phone to the ground and stomped it dead.

Yes, he was certainly done with that life.

He never wanted it anywise.

He only looked to be loved…appreciated…he wanted to belong.

But he wasn't born to belong.

He eyed the corpses of his phone and kicked it down the street for a good measure, before continuing on to Russia's Sushi.

The only place he was ever truly welcomed and the only place where he felt like home.

**Author's notes: Yeah I'm a bit of a Simon fan…can you blame me…he is truly awesome. Yeah I know Izaya is OC, and I know I'm being overly dramatic with Russia's Sushi but the hell who cares, he just got dumped he gets to be OC and dramatic. Now to explain why I pushed Simon to Izaya's rescue (again). For some reason I always thought of both Simon and Shiki as father figures to Izaya…I mean if he had normal parents where did all…"that" came from. So yeah I weirdly took that may way as Shiki influencing Izaya before we originally save it and Simon being the awesome superhero and peac maker he was, he tried to fish Izaya out of it all…I know it's stupid, but trust me there were crazier theories on fan fiction…probably, you know. He, he.**

**Anywise, about why Shizuo reacted the way he did. I just always found it a big stretch for Shizuo to instantly forgive Izaya for all he had done, I mean the guy got arrested because of him and lost like countless jobs ( I would really like to see Shizuo's resume for some reason, I bet it's like three pages long…lol, anyone want to come and search Shizuo's house with me ~lol) So we'll take this slow…as slow as Imp can go right, lol.**

**Please review~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**(I love this sign ~)**


	9. Somber

**So I was trying to make Izaya sound more like Izaya….it did not work…so you're stuck with this little suckish nibble here. Don't worry it should get actiony soon!**

**Disclaimer: Me, myself and ducks don't own this!**

„Izaya! What wrong? You look like dumped teenage girl*."

Izaya smiled a weak smile to his friend and Simon immediately knew that something was wrong. Usually Izaya would reply sarcastically to his remark but the younger man just stood there looking like a soaked kitten. It made Simon sad. He knew Izaya for a long time and he knew what most of the people in Ikebukuro did not know about Izaya.

Izaya was not as bad as he seemed.

He was just lonely, but unable to connect with people the right way. Simon pitied the younger one and that's why he stayed at his side through all of his troubles. Izaya trusted him, Izaya confided himself to him.

"Izaya, is everything alright?" He asked in Russian.

"I'm fine…I just need a place to stay for a while." Izaya answered, also in Russian.

He nodded leading to younger male inside. Now he was really worried. Never before has Izaya looked so…lost. He took a break from his job and lead Izaya upstairs where he lived with Dennis in a small apartment above the shop. Izaya all but collapsed on the couch and Simon sat next to him, hoping to get the raven to talk.

"Izaya, what's wrong?" He continued speaking in Russian.

"I'm fine, I'm just tired." Izaya insisted.

"Why didn't you go to your own apartment then?"

The question was met with a wall of silence coming from Izaya who presently had his face hidden down in the pillow so Simon couldn't read emotions in the ruby eyes. He placed a hand on the others thin shoulder, trying to find out what got Izaya acting this way.

"I sold my apartment Simon…." Izaya started slowly and by the tone of his voice, Simon knew that there was something much more troublesome than just selling his apartment.

"Izaya what did you do?" he asked, wondering did he really want to know what informant did this time.

"Nothing."

"Izaya…"

"I didn't do anything, okay!" Izaya yelled out, before sighing back in the pillow, his voice muffed; "I really didn't do anything. Why do you always think I did something? I'm just tired, I want to sleep." He muffed out and Simon knew that, that was that for this conversation so he left Izaya alone to _sleep_.

He was worried. Izaya never acted this way before. He was never this depressed. There were a few occasions when he would come out off the street and into the restaurant, beaten like a dog, and just slump his way upstairs. Simon would then just call Shinra and Shinra's bubbly personality was usually enough to get Izaya annoyed enough to drop whatever got to him.

But this time was different, Simon knew, for this time Izaya just wished to be alone. To think over whatever got him down in first place. Simon couldn't help but worry about his young friend.

Upstairs Izaya still had his head in the pillow, trying to prevent himself from throwing a fit. He never felt so many emotions at once and he felt like he was going to explode. Sadness and anger were mixing in his heart together with embarrassment and his old friend loneliness. He couldn't believe all the stupid things he managed to do in that one day.

No not one day, one night!

How could he have fallen to such a level? What got him to go and try to jump off of Shizuo's building and then beg for Shizuo to let him stay and then kiss him! What was wrong with him?

He slammed his head into the pillow grunting angrily at his stupid behavior. Yes he was feeling depressed lately but that's no excuse to go and let his enemy see him at his weakest! But he never wanted to be enemies with Shizuo in the first place, maybe this is for the best…oh shut up, Izaya, he doesn't love you and he never will so accept that! The closest you'll ever get to him is in a fight. But he kissed him, they were close then.

Shut up!

He groaned in anger because he was so idiotically lonely that he started to talk to himself, who does that?! ** He turned around on the couch, feeling the sleep tug at his eyes. He didn't sleep too good at Shizuo's house since he was forced to sleep on the floor and then that brute literally fell over him, crushing him along the way, so he felt in a need for a nap now.

He curled up on the couch, sighing heavily at what became of him. He did not know what he was going to do next. After that stupid blurt-out, Shizuo had him in check, almost checkmate. He hoped that the blond wasn't a gossipy type, he didn't look like one.

Izaya closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep, to leave for some place safer in his dreams. He hated himself for doing what he did and he hated Shizuo for making him unprepared to finish himself off. Yeah, like he could hate Shizuo, things would be much easier if he could. Then the two of them would be just enemies and he wouldn't be this near suicide.

He hated himself.

He hated himself for being so weak…so human.

He fell asleep with those thoughts, unaware of danger coming his way.

**Author's notes: *- tell me that you can imagine Simon saying that, with that voice of his and that you find it funny too. It just kind of appeared in my mind and I had to throw it in.**

****- Okay hands up, is there anyone except me and Izaya here who had an argument with himself/herself/itself? Okay, now is there anyone who ever lost that argument…just me…I suck; I can't even beat myself in verbal battle. **


	10. Confusion and anger

**Disclaimer: The useh…**

Shizuo walked down the streets of Ikebukuro in complete shock. Shortly after he threw Izaya out, he decided that he needed a walk to sort out his thoughts. He couldn't believe what Izaya told him. He couldn't believe that the flea loved him. It was impossible. He hated Izaya, Izaya hated him, that's how it went. They were complete opposites and Shizuo did not believe all that stuff about opposites attracting each other. If Shizuo was to love somebody then that somebody would have to be a strong, caring person like him and not a cold-hearted, little bastard like Izaya. It was impossible for him to love Izaya and it shouldn't be possible for Izaya to love him. If those things were possible then the sky might just as well turn orange.

Stupid flea.

He just loved to mess with his head. Yes that must be it. This was just another one of Izaya's games. Izaya was just playing around; looking for how far he can push Shizuo before he snaps.

Damn flea.

But…

He clearly saw Izaya try to jump from the building, he obviously wasn't faking that and he had no way of knowing that Shizuo was standing right behind him, surprised at what he saw when he went to the roof to smoke a cigarette.

But then again Izaya did have his freakish, fleaish way of knowing _everything_!

But would Izaya really go to such lengths in his sick game as to kiss Shizuo. Heck the flea even cried, he never saw Izaya cry before. Were does just fake tears, was Izaya just so determent to win this one-sided game he was playing that he completely forgot about any dignity he had and went of to cry and kiss his mortal enemy.

That was taking it a bit far, even for the flea.

Damn that louse, what was going on!

And why was he looking for him!

Shizuo sighed when he realized that he was doing just that. He was looking for Izaya. Mostly because he was afraid that the flea really was suicidal and just like he said to Izaya, he had no interest in getting his dirty blood all over his hands. Sure he threatened to kill the damn louse on daily bases but he never actually meant it. He would be perfectly satisfied if Izaya was to just leave him alone.

But no, Izaya just had to piss him off, every single time he came to Ikebukuro.

Flea was definitely asking for everything he got and Shizuo should not feel sorry for him, because this was just another one of Izaya's stupid, twisted, sick little games.

Yeah, he wasn't fooling anyone, was he?

He definitely felt sorry for the flea. He wasn't sure what, but something told him that it wasn't all just an act. Was it does tear filled eyes or that gentle kiss full of love. He had no idea, but something told him that the flea wasn't lying and that he really was in some kind of trouble, emotional or not. He felt sorry for Izaya. Now that he thought about it, Izaya had actually no one to turn to in time of crisis. His sisters would sell him of for a chance to meet Kasuka, he drifted apart from his parents and had no friends that Shizuo knew off, except maybe Shinra, but Shinra was always way to nosy and laud for emotional situations. Well it's not like he could blame the people for not wanting to be friends with that two faced little troll. But has Izaya really become desperate enough to search comfort from his archenemy?

He still wasn't sure what to think about Izaya's confession, though.

Was that real to or was it an act?

Was the kiss just a way to show Shizuo that he meant no harm?

An apology maybe?

That was stupid, Izaya did not apologize and he quotes; "did not love any individual, for he loved humanity itself." But then again, Izaya did always call him a monster, was that some kind of a sick way to let him know that he was special and to still keep his façade up.

Izaya couldn't love a single human.

Could he love a single monster?

Idiot, idiot, idiot.

Why did that stupid flea always had to make his life so damn hard.

Couldn't he just leave him alone?

Find himself another monster to irritate.

This was Ikebukuro, of all the places in the world; this was where all the monster gathered.

Why him?

Why always him?

Why that flea couldn't just leave him alone, leave everybody alone? And who did he think he was, to go on and apologies after everything he did? He risked lives of people for his own entertainment, he made a monster out of Shizuo and then he comes and asks to be forgiven.

Heck no.

But…

_„If I have to live, I want to live here with you. I'll do whatever you want from me, just please don't chase me away."_

Shizuo smiled. If the flea wanted to be tamed so much then fine. He is going to tame him. He Shizuo Haiwajima accepts the challenge from Izaya Orihara to tame him. To tame that red eyed demon that haunted the lives of many. If he needs to look the flea up in a room, then fine, he will. Because, Izaya just wants to live there with him, right? He'll do whatever Shizuo says, right?

Shizuo laughed happily for he was going to domesticate the demon that plagued Ikebukuro. He is going to turn Izaya into a house cat if he needs. As long as Izaya does what Shizuo says, Ikebukuro will be safe. Ikebukuro will be safe and Shizuo won't have to bloody his hands.

He had no idea what exactly is he going to do with Izaya, but if this was just a game, he was planning to go all in this time. And if its not…well everybody still wins don't they.

Ikebukuro is safe.

Izaya lives with Shizuo.

And Shizuo knows exactly where Izaya is and what is he doing.

No more surprises.

No more games.

This time it's face to face, directly.

Game on, Izaya.


	11. Love you like a dream

**Disclaimer: Nopsisy**

_Izaya sighed looking through the window of Simon's apartment. He hated falling so low, but he felt that there was nothing more that kept him strong, nothing more that kept him powerful. He no longer felt like Izaya Orihara the infamous info broker. Now he just felt like Izaya Orihara the man that fell in love with his worst enemy. Such a cliché. He didn't like clichés. The door creaked open and Izaya spun around, only half interested in his visitor. His eyes went vide when he caught sight of the blond hair and mocha eyes. Shizuo leaned against the door observing him like a hunter observes its prey._

_"Ne, Shizu-chan~ Came to finish me off?" Izaya tried to smile but he failed miserably and instead chose to just let the fake grimace slide down from his face._

_"Be quiet flea, sound of your voice pisses me off." Shizuo growled and kicked himself of the wall, approaching Izaya in predatory manor._

_"So mean, Shizu-chan~" Izaya sung lowly, like a bird with a crushed wing. _

_Begging to be saved._

_"I said be quiet!" Shizuo growled and grabbed a fistful of raven hair, yanking his head up; "Make me made and I might just rip you head off."_

_Izaya sighed, humming a low tune, but even he knew better then to annoy Shizuo when he had him captured like this. Shizuo stared at him with those eyes, only the deep blue sunglasses in the way. He turned Izaya's head to the left and then to the right, spinning it around seemingly at random. Izaya allowed himself be examined, looking at the blond in confusion and curiosity. _

_"Shizu-chan?"_

_The blond growled, pushing Izaya's head down hard, making him wince at the pain in his neck._

_"You can't shut up to save your own skin, can't you? Always jabbering around. Idiotic flea." With that Izaya was pulled up once again; "Really flea, what is wrong with you? What kind of game are you playing?"_

_Izaya sighed, for Shizuo still didn't believe in truthfulness of his feelings; "I told you already Shizu-chan. I'm not playing, I really do love you. I know that I've been a real monster, but I just couldn't…"_

_Shizuo tilted his head, kneeling at Izaya's eyelevel; "Couldn't what flea?"_

_"…I couldn't lose you. Even if you did hate me you were still there. You didn't ignore me like everybody else. I don't know, I guess it made me fell…special." Izaya's eyes were glued to the floor, shy words whispered so softly that only for their ears to hear._

_"This whole time…you were just lonely…just wanted attention?"_

_There was doubt in Shizuo's words and Izaya did no blame him, but he still nodded, aware of the fact that Shizuo is going to burst in the fit of laughter at his expense and then go tell entire Ikebukuro that the famous informant came begging to him for attention._

_But Shizuo did not laugh although a sad little smile creeped up on his lips, tugging at their corners. He sat next to Izaya on the window bench and tugged the smaller one forward, nesting him in his lap. Izaya held his breath in surprise as two strong hands that could crush him in a second, ever so gently embraced him, pulling him into a comforting hug._

_"Shizu…chan?"_

_"You really are an idiot flea." Shizuo murmured and rested his head on Izaya's shoulder._

_Izaya blinked in surprise but allowed his body to relax in Shizuo's secure grip. He nuzzled his head on Shizuo's chest, returning the hug. He never felt so protected, so warm and loved. One of Shizuo's hands found its way back to Izaya's hair and started caressing it. Normally Izaya hated being treated like a child, but Shizuo was an exception. Izaya sighed in content leaning into gentle touch. How long has it been since somebody was this gentle towards him? Probably years, back when he was still young and happy child that was adored by a whole family and knew how to get attention of all neighborhood._

_Everybody loved him._

_But he only loved one._

_"Shizu-chan." Izaya sighed in content, nuzzling against the fabric of Shizuo's suit as he pulled his legs up and nestled up comfortably in Shizuo's lap. _

_Shizuo planted a light kiss on his forehead and Izaya almost melted in the spot, feeling those soft, warm lips on his skin as butterflies danced around his insides, tickling his long sealed heart. Shizuo's hand traveled down Izaya's face, caressing it gently, as if it knew how much the smaller one missed the softness of human touch. Shizuo tilted Izaya's face up and gave him a gentle smile, one that was never seen around Izaya before. _

_The one that Izaya was striving to receive his whole life._

_His life for that smile._

_"I love you Shizu-chan." Izaya whispered, his words fragile as butterflies wings, shyly making their way to play around blond's ears to try and win his heart._

_Shizuo smiled that smile again, that gentle, heart warming smile. He brought Izaya's face closer to his, their lips almost brushing against each other. Izaya inhaled the sweet scent of milk mixing with bitter smell of cigarettes in aroma that could only belong to his one true love. His heart skipped a beat as he drowned himself in those endlessly deep mocha orbs, his lips lusting for Shizuo's._

_Grip on his hair tightened to the point it was painful, but he did not care for his heart was drowning in anticipation. Shizuo's warm breath caressed his cheeks and he leaned in, just a bit closer, craving for the taste of those honey lips._

_Shizuo smirked._

_"Such a slut." He said._

_And Izaya's head was pushed brutally down in the soft fabric of the window seat._

_Izaya gasped in surprise as he felt a strong hand keeping him down, his face deep in the fabric that smelled so strangely sweet. Izaya fought for breath as he tried to get up, but he found his limbs growing tired and his mind hazy. _

_Is this how he's going to die?_

_Suffocated by the man that he loved? _

_"Nobody loves you Izaya and nobody ever will. You are pathetic pest that feeds of everything that is good on this planet. You need to be exterminated for the sake of humanity. If you love humans you should just die and make them all happy. Everybody hates you, they despise you, want you dead. Nobody cares what happens to you, hell I bet that nobody will even come to your funeral. You know what I'll throw a –We got rid of Izaya- party and I'll bet that the whole Ikebukuro will be there. Your own family will skip your funeral to be there. Everybody hates you Izaya and the person who hates you the most…"_

_Please Shizuo don't say it._

_"…is me. I despise you and I could never love a slutty pest such as yourself. I would rather die."_

_Last thing Izaya felt was a single tear trailing down his cheek and then his world disappeared in the darkness._

A man in the black suit sighed in relief as the informant finally stopped struggling and fell into unconsciousness deeper then the sleep he was formerly in. He took the chloroformed rag from under informants face. He sighed and threw the unconscious raven over his shoulder and exited through the window, paying no attention to the fur trimmed coat that was left sprawled down on the floor behind the couch.

**Author's notes: So for everyone who doesn't understand this whole chapter was a one big dream that turned into a nightmare when the kidnapper showed up. You can see that by the fact that the widow bench smelled sweet and chloroform (in the case you don't know) smells sweet. So who do you think the kidnapper is? Or who is he working for? Is it an enemy or is it just Erica trying to help in her weird way? I would love to hear you theories~**


	12. Words of the wise

**Disclaimer: Not a thing.**

_Damn that louse! When I want him to stay away, he is behind the corner, when I'm trying to find him, it's like he's nowhere on the Earth. Damn it! Damn it all! Stupid, arrogant little flea. Gona show him when I find him, that I sure will! He'll regret the day he crawled out of whatever snake pit he was born in. Damn it, where is he?_

Shizuo was furious. He searched whole Ikebukuro from top to bottom and Izaya was nowhere to be seen. Usually the younger man would come bouncing by as soon as Shizuo stepped a foot outside his door (or at least that's how Shizuo saw it), but today he was nowhere to be found. Shizuo bumped into Celty a while back, but she hasn't seen Izaya either and was glad for it. Shizuo went to check at Shinra's place just in case, he knew that Izaya and Shinra were good friends, but the doctor said he doesn't have a clue were Izaya might be. Shinra actually looked rather concerned and tried to ask what happened, but Shizuo just stormed off.

To sum everything up, Shizuo had zero luck and he was tired, hungry and extremely pissed off right now. He was heading towards Russia's Sushi, because the search for Izaya made him miss lunch. Plus he intended to ask Simon if he saw Izaya today as well. Simon stood in front of the shop the whole day and Izaya was practically a fatty tuna addict, so Shizuo was sure that Izaya would wander of in that direction.

"Sushi, eat sushi, good for you, healthy sushi! Oh Shizuo. Good day. You in puberty today, again?"

"I'm not in the mood Simon; damn flea ate up my nerves. Did you see that louse around here, recently?"

Simon suddenly turned serious and motioned to Shizuo to get in. As Dennis started making Shizuo's usual order, Simon stared at him with worry.

"Izaya come here some time back. He upset. Very upset. Shizuo you do something?"

"I didn't to anything. He was the one who tried to throw himself off the building. Only thing I did is save his sorry ass!" Shizuo yelled, fed up with always being blamed for Izaya's antics."

"Izaya…tried to kill himself?" Simon was obviously shocked.

"Yeah, but as I said I saved the damn pest in the last second. Should off let him jump, though, he deserved it right. You know what he did Simon? That disgusting flea kissed me! I saved his ass and he repays me by playing more tricks on me. Damn that flea!" Shizuo yelled and started stuffing his face with sushi to bury his rage.

"Izaya…did that? Izaya loves Shizuo, now see. Now everything make perfect sense." Simon clapped his hands smiling.

"No, Simon, he doesn't love me, he is playing with me." Shizuo grumbled.

"Izaya came here very sad. Like a dumped school girl…Shizuo is the mean boyfriend." Simon concluded.

"Damn it Simon, has Erica been here recently and brainwashed you or something, what are you saying."

"I say that Izaya really loves Shizuo. Shizuo don't see it, because he hate too much. Hate not good. Hate lead to fighting. Love good! Love and sushi, all the same. Both make you full and happy. No fighting when you're full of love and sushi."

"Oh, yeah. Well you are certainly full of something Simon, but it ain't love or sushi." Shizuo grumbled.

"Shizuo no say things like that. Shizuo talk to Izaya. Izaya want hate to stop and so should Shizuo. Then everybody happy. Shizuo stop being a mean boyfriend and make Izaya happy again. Everybody happy. No fight, no hate. Life full of love and sushi."

"Simon I don't love him! I hate that flea, I hate him! Don't you get it? He ruined my life! How could I ever love that stupid flea?" Shizuo raged, slamming his knuckles against the table as he got up to yell at Simon.

To most people a sight of enraged Shizuo would be something worth running through the doors with wet pants while yelling for their mommies. Simon however, was not most people and he just smiled, getting up as well and patting Shizuo's head as if the blond was a dog or a small child.

"Maybe Shizuo don't love now and maybe Shizuo don't love Izaya ever. But that don't mean you no make peace with Izaya. Izaya want fighting to stop. That good for two you and good for others. Maybe you just no fight anymore. That a good thing."

Shizuo sighed sitting back down. Simon was right. All the things that Izaya did in the past could not be fixed, but if the flea was making an effort to apologies and stop the fights now…well Shizuo was good with that. He really hated violence and he hated hurting innocent people and destroying the city just because the flea pissed him off. Maybe Izaya did love him, no matter how unbelievable that was. Shizuo felt nothing for that little rat, but if it meant stopping all of the useless violence, he was willing to call in truce with Izaya.

"Yeah, you are right Simon. It is time for this to stop. So where is fl…Izaya. We have a truce to settle down, don't we?" Shizuo said, paying for the sushi.

"That good Shizuo! Izaya upstairs, went sleep. Maybe he up now." Simon said, leading Shizuo upstairs.

Once they were in Simon's apartment, they were met with unpleasant surprise. The window was wide open and muddy footprints lead to the couch. Izaya's signature jacket was carelessly thrown on the floor, behind the couch. Izaya himself…was nowhere to be found.

**Author's notes: I love writing Simon…though I'm not sure that I do it very good…I'm missing a lot of sushi's I there, don't you think? Oh well, I still love him. He is one of my favorite characters for whatever reason…wow while I was writing this I was begging to think about Yoda for whatever reason and that makes no sense cause all I know about Yoda is that he talks funny…like Simon…or not. Mind works in strange ways don't you think.**

**Oh well, next chapter we will see who kidnapped Izaya so place your bets now and please review.**


	13. Decision time

**Disclaimer: Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaah, no**

A harsh slap pulled him back into the cruel reality. Izaya opened his eyes, blinking in discomfort at the intrusion of light. He was sitting on the floor of a small white room, with his hands tied up behind his back and his legs restrained as well. In front of him was a black leather couch on which was sitting the last person he wanted to see right now, with two "gorillas" by his side.

"Shiki." Izaya almost spat out.

Shiki didn't seem to look too fazed by the anger in younger ones voice as he calmly smoked his cigarette.

"Shiki, what's the meaning of this?" Izaya spat again, trying to work his way out of the ropes.

The older man still didn't reply, simply choosing to watch the struggle of the captured raven. Izaya growled lowly and took a deep breath, counting to ten and trying to stay cool ad calm. If he couldn't keep his façade up in front of Shiki, then he utterly fails as, well, himself. He never allowed anybody to see into his distress and he never will. He was just a bit startled in the beginning, but now, now it was game on. He allowed his signature smirk to crawl up his features, his lips twisting up as he calmly relaxed against the wall, locking eyes with Shiki.

"Now, now, the way you are staring at me, it almost seems like you are enjoying yourself. Like the view Shiki~" he purred teasingly, but the man didn't even twitch.

Tsk.

How boring.

"Ne, ne Shiki, how am I supposed to know why am I hear if you just sit there and look at me. Wait I know, I've been a bad boy and now you want to punish me~" He pouted, but his smug grin was too hard to hold back and it broke out again.

However it was probably worth it since he finally got a reaction from Shiki. The older man finally got up and approached him. He watched the informant for a little while, before he kneeled in front of him, took a cigarette out of his mouth and pressed the burning tip against porcelain skin of Izaya's neck. Izaya hissed in pain, shutting his eyes closed to prevents Shiki from seeing the pain.

"When I call you, I expect you to answer." Shiki stated simply and slowly, as if teaching a lesson to a dumb dog.

"Well to bad, I quit." Izaya chuckled slightly, opening his eyes to look at Shiki's reaction.

"You quit?" Shiki asked, almost sounding disinterested.

"That's right. I ain't working for yakuza anymore."

Shiki lit another cigarette and took his time observing the angry, red mark he left on informant's skin.

"And what makes you think, that you can quit and just walk away from us?" he asked as if he was truly interested.

"My call, isn't it?" Izaya laughed, though it was halfheartedly.

He was officially screwed.

"No Izaya, it is certainly not your call. You see we are not to keen to let somebody, that knows about us as much as you do, break ties with us. You might sell us out."

"Oh, Shiki, that hurts my feelings, do you really think I would sell you out just like that. After all those years of faithfully delivering you information? My,my and I thought of us as friends." Izaya sighed in a perfectly melodramatic way.

"Can't you be serious for one second?" Shiki grumbled, even thought he already knew the answer.

"Me? I am ever so serious. In fact I am so serious that serious is not as serious as me. Seriously." Izaya grinned.

"Well then, I guess we'll just leave you like this. You have half an hour to make your choice Orihara, after half an hour we will return. You'll either stay with us or get a bullet though your head. It's your call."

And with that Shiki and his gorillas left, leaving Izaya alone and tied up.

"Huh." Izaya chuckled; "I hope I'm not setting myself a routine of getting left tied up in places."

However he could only joke for a while, for he did indeed understand the urgency of this situation. It's not like he wanted to stay with yakuza, certainly not. He was determined to turn over a new leaf and to start out fresh. But it's not like he wanted to die, either.

Right?

Well he was on an edge of the building, a while ago, and he would have jumped if Shizuo hadn't stopped him, so he can't say that he really doesn't want to die. Shizuo…Shizuo rejected him. He rejected him so cruelly. He pushed him away, kicked him out…laughed at him, laughed at a mere thought of loving him. The worst part was that Izaya knew he deserved it. He deserved all of it. Every last bit of Shizuo's hatred. He taunted and tortured Shizuo for so many years and now he just expected from him to love him.

He truly was a fool.

Shizuo hated him.

Shizuo wanted him dead.

Shizuo…he would be happy if Izaya was dead.

That was why Izaya decided to kill himself in the first place. He wanted to make Shizuo happy. He wished that something he did brought a smile to Shizuo's face. All Izaya caused him over all this years was misery, anger and frustration. He wanted to be the reason Shizuo smiled, for once. And since he knew no other way to get Shizuo to smile for him, killing himself and fulfilling Shizuo's long time wish was his best option. Of course, there was a selfish factor in there too, for Izaya wanted to get rid of the pain of unreturned love. He just wanted his heart to stop hurting like it always did.

So…

…will he let Shiki kill him?

Izaya wasn't too found of that option, because then Shiki would be the one that made Shizuo happy ad not Izaya. No, there had to be another way, a third way, a loophole through which Izaya could slide through and escape from Shiki's clutches. There had to be a way. There was always a way. He just had to think hard and think fast, for his time was running out.

"Oh the tings you make me do, Shizu-chan."

**A.N: You were right Blu, it was Shiki (hurr durr like it wasn't obvious) I know that Izaya doesn't technically work FOR yakuza and that Shiki doesn't act like that, but you know, it's for the story. So the next chapter I will let Shizuo off his leash to sniff out Izaya and if you be good and give me lots of reviews they'll have a big, romanticish reunion (lol don't you love blackmail at its lowest?)**


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